Hip-hop isn't as complex as a woman is.

About a week ago, I was enduring my morning drive to work and I reluctantly flipped from the usual 89.5 WSOU frequency to the 97.1 HOT 97 frequency. Typically WSOU aka Seton Hall’s Pirate Radio is a rock/metal/punk/hardcore station, but at times they dabble in music that falls under the genre “shit”. If I am not sick of whatever CD (yeah, a CD! I do not have my I-Pod hooked up to my car) I have been listening to in a loop then I make the switch to the atavistic FM Radio. I am and have been a loyal WSOU listener, but when the aforementioned “shit” begins to emanate from the speakers then I will click the #2 preset and check out what the dark skinned persuasion is listening to this particular morning.

HOT 97 is the #1 hip-hop/R&B station in New York City and where ever the signal strength can reach to. I instantly was met with Usher’s “Love in this Club”. I listened for about 30 seconds and since then it has been stuck in my head. Well over a week it has lingered. I stay away from MTV and popular music in general, but I did see Usher perform this “track” on Saturday Night Live. I was fixated and entranced not only by the movement of Usher’s choreography, but more so his lyricism. I am greatly troubled by the message of this song. Hence forth, I dissect “Love in this Club” by Usher.

 

[Intro: Usher]
Gotta do it for the ladies
And I gotta keep it hood
Where we at Polo (Ayyy)
I see you Ryan
Yo Keith nigga you was right
But we just gettin’ started
Yeah man…

I tend to agree, we do have to “do it for the ladies”. Women are not revered in our current society as they should be. We are a nation of progress or we would like to think we are and yet in a Presidential race that featured the greatest opportunity for the first potential female President the criticism of Hillary Clinton was overwhelming focused on physical and superficial attributes. Ugly fat men like Rush Limbaugh saying that Hillary isn’t attractive to him and do we as a nation really want to look at her face for the next 4 years. First, Rush Limbaugh would be a lucky obese boy if he could lay one of his stubby sweaty fingers on the white alabaster, mid-western, Yale law educated nape of her Senatorial neck. Secondly, Rush Limbaugh is a faggot.

Usher is appealing to this disparity in our modern society in which the double standard is held captive in silence without a voice because we believe that we have leveled the playing field and in many cases it has only gotten worse. With women’s suffrage and with greater freedom for promotion in the work force people have forgotten about the plight of women in this male dominated country. The United States is a bear and I mean a literal bear against its citizens. As beautiful and majestic a Kodiak Grizzly can be it will tear you from head to toe and devour your entrails and leave your flesh rotting in the glow of the day sun. Our country can do the same to men, so just imagine what it is like for women. In our entertainment products it is vastly becoming a feeding frenzy for women to strip or stand aside. No matter what level of admiration from critics or fans, actresses need to bare all if they are expecting to survive in television or film and even music. Simply sex fantasies for storylines and nude pictorials on magazine racks in every town in America.

I do not want to harp on this lyric “Gotta do it for the ladies” too much more; there are plenty of lyrics left. Let us move on.

I do not know who Polo, Ryan and Keith are. Apparently, Keith was correct about something. I am a person who believes in giving credit where it is due so I applaud Usher for this. Kudos to you Keith on whatever you were correct about. I guess it was something noteworthy because it is in the first line or two of this major hit single.

[Verse 1: Usher]
i see you searchin’ for somebody
That’ll take you out and do you right (do you right)
Well come here baby and let daddy show you what it feel like (feel > like)
You know all you gotta do is tell me what you sippin’ on (sippin’ on)
And I promise that I’m gonna keep it comin’ all night long

Ok, here is where it gets creepy. It will continue to be creepy from here on out so be prepared. Usher is making it crystal clear: he is going to get you drunk and then fuck you until you can’t walk a straight line the next day. The ladies in the clubs are about 50% “searchin’ for somebody” and 50% there to dance out their problems (Dane Cook reference, remember when he was funny? I do. I was 12). The 50% that is searchin’ may or may not be ready for what Usher is trying to bring. Usher has a two point attack:

- Grindin’ – he is going to grind a new hole through your ass on that dance floor
- Drunk – he is going to get your ass drunk. Real drunk. Like throwing up in your high heels kind of drunk.

[Chorus]
Lookin’ in your eyes while you walk the other side
And I think that shorty I’ve got a thing for you
Doin’ it on purpose winding and workin’ it
I can tell by the way you lookin’ at me girl

I wanna make love in this club ayy
(make love in this club ayy, in this club ayy, in this club ayy )
I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy, in this club ayy, in this club ayy )

From the previously mentioned two point attack strategy, Usher’s goal is “make love” to you “in this club”. This is where a cast member of Scrubs should interject with advice on not “making love” in a club and then the NBC “The more you know” should shoot across the screen. Ladies, Usher is a wordsmith. He is singing “make love”, but think about where in “this club” you would be “making love” in. There are no private bedrooms available in clubs or private rooms in general with a decent couch or a futon. If you want privacy, there is only one place you can go: the bathroom.

Usher is going to fuck you in the bathroom.

I understand Usher. There are plenty of times when you are at the club and you have had a few daiquiris and you’re on the dance floor slamming your denim sheathed cock into a lady while listening to the new Chris Brown. The thought will cross your mind in that romantic scenario that I want to “make love in this club” preferably to the girl I’m poking with the bulldog that is in a life and death fight with my new pair of Evisu. But it is a far cry from “love making”. No matter how gentle and lovingly you may try to be when you press her face into the linoleum tiled wall while hiking up her skirt from behind or pulling her jeans down; no matter how much you lightly caress her as you sit bare ass on the toilet seat covered in toilet paper squares with your balls dangling in the bowl as she rides you like a retarded cow girl; no matter how hard you try to “make love” in a club bathroom it will always be “straight fucking”.

[Verse 2: Usher]
You got some friends rollin’ with you baby then that’s cool
You can leave them with my niggas let em know that I got you
If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind
Cuz the way I’m staring miss you got me wantin to give it to you all
night

Lookin’ in your eyes while you walk the other side
I can’t take it no more
Baby I’m comin’ for you
You keep doin’ it on purpose winding and working it
If we close our eyes it could be just me and you

Don’t leave your friends with his “niggas”. They are as dirty if not dirtier than Usher. I would bet the latter. Usher strikes me as a guy who would be rolling into a club deep with grimey dudes to make himself seem tougher because he looks so much like a pretty boy. That also works with his pretty boy image because compared to his boys he will come off looking like a sweet guy, but indeed he wants to get you drunk and do you in the toilet (literal and metaphorical).

Whatever it is, Miss, that you are doing please stop now. Stop now before it is too late. Usher will reel you in like a tractor beam and the next thing you’ll remember is being in the men’s room with your jeans wet around your ankles soaking up all the stray piss on the floor and (hopefully) a used condom in the toilet. So STOP IT!

I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club, ayy in this club ayy )
I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club ayy , in this club ayy )
I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club, ayy in this club ayy )
I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club, ayy in this club ayy )
(I got this – yeaa – let’s go!)

I got it already. Rapist.

[Verse 3: Young Jeezy]
I’m what you want, I’m what you need
He got you trapped, I’ll set you free
Sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally
I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me
It’s going down on aisle 3, I’ll bag you like some groceries
And every time you think about it you gon’ want some more of me
Bout to hit the club, make a movie yeah rated R
Pulled up like a trap star
That’s if you have yo regular car
You wanna make love to a thug in the club with his ice on
’87 jeans and a fresh pair of Nikes on
On the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor
You can meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m trying go

Correction. Priority #1: STAY AWAY FROM YOUNG JEEZY! Priority #2: Stay away from Usher.

 

Not only will Young Jeezy fuck you in the bathroom, but he will outright do it on a couch, table, the bar or simply the floor. So watch out. He is the ninja of fucking. He could sneak attack you at any moment from any shadow in the place. I would suggest that if Young Jeezy is in a club that you just leave. Walk out. There is no telling who he will target or where he will strike because the possibilities are limitless for him.

I would not say exclusively, but Young Jeezy did narrow his parameters seemingly to girls who already have a guy. “He got you trapped” could be a metaphor for “he” as in mankind and he means the world or society has you trapped and Young Jeezy will set you free by soaking you with his baby batter… in the club. I think he means more literal and wants you to cheat on your man with him… in the club. Also again, this could be metaphorical or literal, but he likes “swallowers”. I would bet all the money in the world whether this was metaphorical or literal that he likes “swallowers” anyway.

Besides all that, Young Jeezy also is under the assumption that women are purely superficial. He believes that there are women out there that would “make love” to a guy solely because he wears a lot of expensive jewelry, vintage jeans and expensive clean shoes. I have no idea where he has gotten this misinformation.

[Verse 4: Usher]
Might as well give me a kiss
If we keep touching like this
I know you scared, baby
They don’t know what we doin’
Let’s both get undressed right here
Keep it up girl and I swear
I’ma give it to you non-stop
And I don’t care who’s watchin’(watchin, watchin watchin…)

No real need to examine these lines too closely, Usher has already started fucking you at this point. If you let it go on this far then at this point he has fingers in holes and they are about to be replaced by his Manute Bol. I tried to warn you. Also it seems that you may or may not make it into the bathroom before this “love” occurs. Or Usher could be referring to a bathroom stall that has no door on it because “I don’t care who’s watchin’” sounds like someone is going to be uploading some cell phone video of you “making love” onto Facebook/Myspace/Youtube later that evening.

I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club, ayy in this club ayy )
I wanna make love in this club ayy
(in this club ayy , in this club, ayy in this club ayy )

Ayy (repeat 4x)

And then it finally ends.

I hope you all learned a lot about Usher, Young Jeezy and yourself.

By the by, I am currently wearing Usher’s cologne cleverly titled “Usher” because after all, I am trying to make love in this club.