RW/RR Duel 2 – ep 10 – Thoughts

Real World/Road Rules  Challenges: The Duel II  - episode 10

1. I honestly forgot I watched this show until about 20 minutes ago. I was sitting here at work thinking “what in the hell am I going to do today to get through these 8 hours?” Then I remembered I watched this show. Good story, hunh?

2. Fuck. Aneesa won. I hate this show.

3. This “duel pole dancing” challenge I think really shows who just wants to win more than the other person. You could be a prick and just keep knocking the other guy off the pole instead of actually trying to climb. The event could go on forever. And as I type that Brad wins immediately. Wow, MJ sucks. Why didn’t he just grab Brad’s ankle with both hands and then jump off the pole. There is no way Brad has that type of finger strength to hold on. MJ should do some research and watch American Gladiators.

4. TJ Lavin’s in the house! Literally in the house! It is wild to not see him on a windy mountaintop with some dumbass challenge behind him. It is like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.

 

5. They just had a commercial for “Trojan 2 go” condoms. Were condoms not already travel ready? They fit in your wallet. How much more travel accessible do they have to be? Were people having trouble lugging around a single condom? I could only see this being a problem for someone who has the biggest penis ever. His penis would have to be as big as a king size bed. When having safe sex he would have to wrap his penis in a tarp with nylon rope as if he was going to secure it to the roof of his car.

6. I’m not sure at all what is happening. Aneesa and Brad chose cards with duel challenges on them and then everyone got super serious. The guys are talking to the guys and they were looking confused and kind of pissed. The girls are talking to the girls and it is a similar story. Now the guys are picking names out of a hat and then Landon put on that hat. Landon is real angry, real passive aggressive angry.

7. TJ is back. I guess Landon and Diem are in the duel already and then they will choose who is going in against them. Landon chooses Brad. Mark and Evan make out for a second in celebration. Diem chooses — *COMMERCIAL BREAK — Uh… that KIA commercial freaked me out – I’m pretty sure that blonde chick is going to be gang sexed by those stuffed animal guys whether she likes it or not* — Brittini. I think this was a solid choice for Diem. Rachel is too muscular and Aneesa weighs more.

 

8. Is this some fucking joke!?! They’re playing for speakers again! At some point, you would think one of them would say “enough with the fucking stereo speakers”, but they don’t. I wonder if this is how MTV pays them under the table. They just keep giving them stereo speakers and then when they get home they have to auction them off on Craigslist or Ebay. I guess anything to get around them paying taxes.

9. Landon vs. Brad – I think Landon will win. I feel like he is used to wrestling boys. Wow and he is throwing Brad around like an animal. They penalized him for it too, haha! Those were a couple nice belly-to-belly suplexes by Landon. Wow! Landon just threw Brad head first into that wall! This is honestly incredible. Wait… what!?! How did Landon lose that!?! He was right there with the hook and he couldn’t get it on the ring. Great match. I wish they just had a whole show of that. Props to Brad for never giving up.

 

10. Diem did well against Jenn in “push over”. She needs to stay low. Brittini is tall and as I wrote that she easily ran through Diem. Listen to Lil’ Jon Diem and get low! And she does. She dropped to her knees (alright) and basically shoved Brittini in the crotch (alright). It looks like she is going with the same technique for the final try. Brittini wins. Diem’s foot slipped off after nearly being KOed from Brittini’s running attack. Diem you are so pretty. Don’t feel bad considering at any point you could sucker some guy into paying for everything for the rest of your life. Or you could get back together with CT and be miserable for the rest of your life. Your choice.

11. I guess this is the final race and so forth. I would imagine they’re going to stop it shy so there will be one more episode next week. Those bastards. Although there is a half hour left so it could be the final episode. Those bastards.

12. So they’re riding around on this boat. They dropped them off and now they’re jogging to a point in the river where they’re crossing by any means necessary. Now they’re stripping and putting on different clothes and Aneesa may be drowning in the river. That was a great shot of Brittini leaving the river and Aneesa in the background getting swept away in it.

13. Boo! She survived.

14. They ran for awhile and oh no(!) they have to solve a puzzle. For Christ’s sake. It must be demeaning to put a 30 year old in a bunk bed and then the biggest challenge they can think of for you is a puzzle. I get what they’re doing is making them re-enact all the individual duel challenges. They had them climb a pole to get a bike and now they’re going to have to ride that bike. This is really boring.

 

15. Brad and Evan are pretty close to each other and they haven’t shown Mark so he may have been killed by a snake bite earlier on the course. As for the girls, I’m pretty sure Rachel is way ahead of the other two. Uh… I don’t really know what is happening again. The guys I guess have to wait for the girls to come. There is no way Mark can win because if he is waiting on Aneesa then he is just fucked. Evan is fucked as well simply waiting on Brittini. Brad and Rachel probably finished the race by now.

 

16. After the guy and girl have carried a black circle across the mountains they reach a set-up where they have to dig. This honestly makes so little sense. They seemingly have to flip over or push over the bucket full of dirt so they get something. Now they are running again. To where? To do what? This is the worst marathon ever. Brad and Rachel are still pretty far ahead.

17. Now they reach the duel area and they have to do the elevator. Rachel won by a long shot. Evan seems to caught up a bunch in the elevator against Brad. Evan is going to win this. Wow how shitty is Brad? Just like Landon clearly being able to win the back off challenge then muffs it up and Brad wins. Now Brad had such a big lead on Evan and he is going to muff this up and Evan will win. What a jackass! Evan wins. Brad lost $65,000 for being simply an idiot and not getting his hustle on in the very last thing he had to do.

 

18. Ugh. What a shitty final episode? Good riddance. Thanks for whoever read this. It was a nice waste of time at work.

RW/RR Duel 2 – ep 9 – Thoughts

Real World/Road Rules  Challenges: The Duel II  - episode 9

1. I don’t know what tribe of indigenous people the beginning of this show is making fun of, but I hope they realize what a mockery MTV has made of them by having these halfwits caricaturize them in the intro. I hope they pull what the Alaskans did for Seward and build totem poles with their faces at the bottom of the totem pole with faces of cats, mice and monkeys above them to shame them and put them all over New Zealand. Or they should just sue them for race discrimination because none of their people have been in any RR/RW season ever. Or they could stab the shit out of them with one of their Bronze Age spears.

2. Drunk costume fashion show. Actually this is not a bad idea at all. They should have had Landon dress up instead of Aneesa since he is prettier than her. Brittini looked great, Rachel looked great and Diem for whatever reason did not want to look great…. Spoke too soon, here is Landon naked. As suspected – much prettier than Aneesa.

 

3. MJ tucking in Evan is by far the creepiest thing I have seen all week. I have seen some really messed up shit this week too.

4. Brad and Tori are fighting. She is crying. He looks confused. Now they’re trying to unburden themselves by talking to their respective gender housemates. Not one of them has a working relationship that I know of. Isn’t Diem sort of with CT? Didn’t CT have sex with Shauvon on the roof the first night there? Didn’t Adam and CT get into a fist fight because of that? Didn’t CT leave yelling at Diem about “career first” and she was crying? Yeah, Tori should take advice from her. Diem’s got all the answers.

5. Tori looks so pretty in the confessionals footage and looks like a crazy bag lady in the actual footage of her walking around the house. This must be why Brad is so confused all the time. One minute – hot; next minute – picking through garbage for sustenance.  

 

6. “Spelling Air”? – honestly they should have them just compete in a spelling bee. That would be entertainment. ABC ran Scripps on primetime, so why not MTV? Also I feel like every challenge has them competing for speakers or headphones. They must have apartments full of them. They’re sleeping on beds of $1000 speakers.

7. YES! It is a spelling bee! MJ is fucking R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D retarded.

8. Another great start to a challenge – Tori is throwing up and Diem is crying and they haven’t even begun the competition.

9. HAHAHAHAH…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…. HAHAHAHAHAHAH…. HAHAHAHAHAH…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH – that is all I could muster while watching the girls try and spell Elementary school level words.

10. HAHAHAHAHAHAH (Evan looking like he is struggling to spell “yesterday”)… HAHAHAHA (Brad spelling)…. HAHAHAHAHAH (Landon spelling, I guess we know how to beat Landon – make him use his tiny tiny brain)… HAHAHAH (MJ spelling)… HAHAHAHAH (MJ falling)… I’m not laughing anymore: Evan won.

11. MJ shut the fuck up and just pick someone. He stands there pontificating as if anyone really cares. No one likes you enough over the others to pick you to be “safe” so why should you care which person’s feelings you hurt. He picked Brad. Aneesa will pick Tori. And she did. And she is oddly excited by it.

12. MJ vs. Brad in “Duel Pole Dancing”. Aneesa vs. Tori in “The Elevator”. I think MJ should have the advantage because of his height and reach, but MJ sucks so he has no advantages. Tori weighs considerably less than Aneesa I would imagine which would help in “The Elevator”. I feel like I could see both Tori and Brad resigning themselves to this losing idea because of their recent fights, but at the same time their opposition is a bunch of quitters as well. I dislike MJ and Aneesa so both will win probably.

 

13. Looks like some more classy trash talking by Aneesa. She tries to make it seem like they’re all bitches (which they are), but they’re always getting into fights with Aneesa which means she has to be a huge part to blame. It isn’t coincidence that in every episode she is fighting with another chick. Usually this comment is reserved for men, but she is a douche.

14. More fucking speakers!?! This one looks like it could be a nice pillow.

15. The more I look at Aneesa’s face the more fish like it appears to me…..

 

16. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?! They are not showing who won. I have to wait until next week to find out who fucking won. This is fucking bullshit. I hate you MTV. I want you to die MTV. I want MTV to contract AIDS and not the good Earvin “Magic” Johnson AIDS that you gain weight and open Starbucks on. I want them to get the real AIDS, the kind someone contracts in a movie where they get white and sickly and then collapse at a critical inopportune moment in their life when everyone is around to see how horrific it is. Ugh, I feel like I need to take a shower.

A DAY IN THE PARK by Brian Long

             I once saw a dog get hit by a car. His eyes were focused on a squirrel. He was an oil black rottweiler with spit dripping fangs and crimson gums. He tracked every jerk and jolt of the jittering squirrel that bobbled an acorn in its mouth as if it were a beach ball. They moved as if they were tethered; the dog dashing and kicking up bushels of twigs and leaves; the squirrel contorting through the arched pillars of benches and weaving through the maze of trees in the park. But they never broke the line, the squirrel swerving the dog in its wake.

            The dog didn’t bark or snarl. He hunted unconsciously, as if he were breathing. He didn’t squint or scowl, his eyes remained at half-slits. His lips only parted when he was panting, they never curved up above the gums unless he was close. The sun was moving by the trees and I was reading a letter from Jenny. Pausing now and then when I heard the rottweiler’s teeth crack together after biting air.

           Her handwriting always took some studying. The lines sewing together, e’s becoming a’s, o’s and c’s never being fully defined. The words becoming one thing, and then another; lines and paragraphs not understood until the last letter is read. I try to figure out if she wrote love or lost at one point. Her s taking on the voluptuous curve of a v, and her t curving and bending with the outline of a possible e.

          The dog tried to growl but a quick side step of the squirrel turned the sound of grinding gravel into a quick screech and a pant.

            I read the top line, which talked about our distance. We hadn’t talked since she moved to New York. We decided to wait how she felt. That was six months ago.

            The rottweiler got so close his teeth cut off a few hairs from the squirrels back. A breeze blew off the pond and ripples batted diamond glitters of fading sunlight into my eyes and the rottweiler’s. The squirrel scurried up onto a bench.

            I had followed Jenny to Denver because I couldn’t afford our apartment in Chicago anymore. She followed me to San Francisco because the Colorado winters had become unbearable.

            The squirrel pauses for a moment on the edge of the bench and loops beneath the green planks, its tail sliding across the dagger teeth of the dog.

            We lived in outer Richmond and I took a job as a tow-truck driver, and she took up ballet again. I paid for it with the cars I towed. They noticed her dancing, and she wowed them at an audition for the San Francisco ballet.

            The dog slides across the glass beside the water fountain, and pushes his back paw off a tree.

            We moved to North Beach because it was closer to the theater, and it was more in tune with the artist’s lifestyle. The artists had long since left, and our neighbors’ cars were the cars I towed.

            The squirrel darts across the expanse between the bushes and the curb. The pendulum tires swinging back and forth across its path over the asphalt, the rotweiller pursues.

            Her letter talks about the distance she felt in San Francisco. Where she met Paul; the young Paul who was flexible and cherub cheeked. The same Paul who told her about New York and the apartment they could share. “It’s all kosher,” he’d assure me with a pat and a smile.

            The squirrel causes a truck to screech, and the dog jerks to a stop by the trucks bed.

            She finishes saying she’ll always remember me, but she’s found someone else.

            The dog doesn’t bark or yelp; there’s only the sound of dented metal and chalkboard screeching tires from the road.

            I have an idea who it is, but I don’t want to look up and see.

RW/RR Duel 2 – ep 8 – Thoughts

Real World/Road Rules  Challenges: The Duel II  - episode 8

1. Obligatory negative comment about the opening of the show.

2. Wow! Diem is mangled drunk. Why did they stop playing that? Diem was in a bikini and she was getting wild… nevermind Jenn and Rachel are caught kissing, but stop once the camera guys show up. They need to give up on the actual camera crews and they should just outfit every room with a million cameras like in The Truman Show. You can’t put a price on lesbian love and how much I want to see it!

 

3. Subtitles would help a lot. Rachel is bearing her soul to dumb ass Aneesa. Aneesa is always negative so I’m betting she is saying that Rachel should stop kissing on Jenn which is the worst advice ever. Also why is Aneesa putting on make-up to look like Ziggy Stardust? What I gather is that Aneesa is fucking jealous? Rachel’s hot and Jenn is hotter and they will make hot lesbian love and have hot lesbian love children together.

4. I’m guessing I’m 100% right because now Jenn and Aneesa are fighting which can easily be observed from the voraciousness with which they use their hands while talking. I really hope Jenn doesn’t get kicked off this episode, but she probably will. Paula is gone and she was fun to watch. They never show Diem except for that second in the beginning of the episode. Brittini doesn’t seem to get slutty and drunk which is lame. All I have left is Rachel and Jenn in my life! Don’t take that away from me MTV!

 

5. Another high wire challenge. Lavin is a walking billboard for Monster energy drink. I wonder how he feels that he sold his soul to MTV. I haven’t seen him do anything outside of this show in forever so he may have died years ago and they replaced him a robot who is perfectly content at hawking caffeine drinks and affordable consumer electronic devices.

6. So they’re upside down walking along a rope with their hands and seemingly trying to grab the “tablets” hanging parallel to the rope. They should just say “fuck it” and put no time limit on the event. If they want to hang upside down for an hour until blood pours out of their ears then fine. It is all a part of the “reality” of the game. Even better would be if they had two of them up there and they had to fight each other … to the death, I guess. Real World/Road Rules DEATH MATCH!

7. Wow! This challenge is so stupid and Mark was great at it. Of course, here is Landon and he is for whatever reason preternaturally excellent at these stupidly ill conceived events. I wonder how he trains for this stuff. Also they always act like they don’t know who won until Lavin announces it. This a timed event, right? Why doesn’t someone just keep track of how much time went by for each and then guess what? They would know who won. This is a flawless idea up until I realized they can’t count.

 

8. Diem was really good at this. Jenn was good. I’m guessing Aneesa will suck and she’ll fight Jenn in the duel. The first part of prediction was right. Aneesa sucked. Tori did really well and she was showing a lot of skin which helps me.

9.  Landon won; big fucking shock. They should just give him a pass and let the dudes compete for second place. Rachel won. I think it was all the cunt-blocking that Aneesa did that fired her up to be faster at pulling tablets from strings while she was upside and swinging over a cliff. That makes sense. Jenn should give her a celebratory tongue lashing.

 

10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I get it! The episode is called “If These Duels Could Talk” which is similar to “If These Walls Could Talk” which was two movies put out by HBO about lesbian couples and their problems scissoring I guess and this episode is all about Aneesa trying to break up Jenn and Rachel. These are the cleverest writers of our times.

11. And here comes the second part of my prediction where Jenn picks Aneesa for the duel. Derek picks Evan. Before they get back from commercial let me say that Jenn versus Aneesa is a bad decision by Jenn. Aneesa weighs more than Jenn is a little bigger than Jenn in general. This is a terrible match-up for most of the duels. If Jenn was smart and there to win and not to make friends then she should pick Diem. I bet she could beat Diem in the pushing contest and the wrestling contest. She probably would be at a disadvantage in the climbing contest. Also Jenn and Diem could rub up against each other. I honestly would pay to see that.

12. YES! YES! YES! YES! She picked Diem! They should just handcuff them together and be forced to stay that way forever. They have to do everything together. And one day I will meet them and the three of us will runaway to that distant paradise called Utah and we’ll be married to each other. And after a few years, I’ll marry another girl as well who is 20 because now those two will be 30 and over the hill so I’ll need a young wife. This marrying of a younger wife would happen periodically. Eventually, I’ll get an even younger wife, but this time I’ll have gone pretty crazy living in Utah with all these wives that I’ll convince this new one that I need to drink a little of her blood every other day to make me young again. At this point, the wives will either be so bored and so many of them that they don’t even notice the shit I do or they’ll gang up and kill me for being a vampire. Uh… So I hope Jenn and Diem take a shower together for the challenge.

13. Why does Rachel dress like Jeff Hardy? She’s attractive, couldn’t she just dress normal?

14. Diem is going to make the best hot bitchy suburban wife one day. She is definitely going to settle down and have kids. I think I mentioned this before, but she will always be in shape. She is a girl who will stay in shape through spite. All the husbands will want to fuck her and all the wives will secretly hate her because of that and because she stays thin. I think it is great that she is actually practicing for the event. It shows initiative since it is probably the only event they can recreate in their living room.

15. Derek’s going to lose. Fuck Derek for thinking he looks remotely cool with that Mohawk. No one cares about Derek. I bet he doesn’t even care about himself. He is hanging out in the bathroom for Christ’s sake. Who does that? Also Derek was terrible at the last climbing event he was in. Evan should beat him just for that reason alone.

 

16. Evan is “reading” again. MTV stop trying to convince me that Evan can read. He can’t. None of them can.

17. Derek is maybe the worst climber ever. Evan should’ve been a real prick and took hours to complete that puzzle because Derek would never have been able to capitalize. Evan could’ve taken a nap and Derek wouldn’t have snuck in a victory.

18. Jenn looks sexy as always and Diem looks so fucking cute with her two braids. Diem wins round 1. *Commercial Break* GO SEE TRANSFORMERS! – I’m seeing it. It looks good. Back to the duel. And Diem wins! I guess that practice really helped her out. Jenn should’ve practiced. It was a good move by her to pick Diem, I’ll stick by that, but her strategy minus the initial hit was minimal. She needed to stay low. Didn’t she ever take a peak at the football games while she was a cheerleader? Also, she kept turning into Diem after contact which is a terrible move.

 

19. I don’t know what Aneesa and Rachel just said to each other, but Aneesa’s not getting into Rachel’s pants. That exchange did not look friendly.